Should we worry about the new report from the medical community? Women don't need breast cancer screening as often as previously believed? Hm.... http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSTRE5AF5BP20091117
Could it be a ploy to pay less heath care dollars on women's medicine? Don't women pay enough already? They pay more for their health care; medications aren't tested on women, they're tested on men, thereby cheating women of equality in care; women aren't usually covered for birth control medications while men are covered for erectile dysfunction (viagra) meds (I could go on but I'm not feeling like researching). Is it now that the health care industries are in financial straits.. or about to be.. could it be those companies are looking for ways to cut their costs? If women want tests for breast cancer it will cost them more than it does now because the health care companies can cut back on standard coverage. Hm...

Observations on my birthday:

There might be water on the moon, but it isn't RENEWABLE. Once we use it up, which seems like like the 'plan' - it's gone and there ain't no way to get more. LEAVE IT ALONE for god's sake.

Why are 'we' trying to find extra-terrestrial life? If they are advanced enough to "hear" us - you know our silly broadcasting in to space - if they can hear us & find us & get to us - we should be afraid, be very afraid. It won't be good for us... don't 'we' know that whoever they are they will be able to strip us of our resources? Yes, I assume they will be as ruthless and uncaring as we are.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_MISSING_FLORIDA_BABY?SITE=VABRM&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

How does this happen? Woman beats her kid, gets 10 yrs in prison and the sentence is reduced to 80 days, that's less than 3 months. Oh, and they figure out she is beating her kid when another kid is reported missing - and never found. She was free to do it again... report a child missing, that is.

Day 51 -
I have painted 1/2 the office - only half because my office stuff is still in there but Naomi's is not. Her desk was old and crikety and the computer finally took a dump, so it was mid-winter's "cleaning" for her. Everything out. We picked a green color and now it seems very bright, yet pale and she isn't liking it that much. I hope to finish her half today... maybe move my half into the middle and finish the whole room.

I've been getting to the gym on a mostly regular schedule and the only thing I have accomplished is aggravating my knee. I think I'll be talking to my doctor about Synvisc at my next visit. My hip, actually, my sciatica, wakes me up two or three times a night so I am not sleeping well. And sleeping in? Let me tell ya, one does not sleep in once retired. Because of the sciatica, I get up as soon as I can because being up is less painful.

Retirement is OK, but it is really only a staycation.

Retirement - day three.

A Sunday - spent the morning watching DVR TV shows. Got my partner up, ate a small breakfast and we went to work in the garage, repacking the rafters, moving stuff around, going through old records and papers - now I have 50 lbs of papers to shred (or burn?). We didn't stop until after the pizza was delivered at 8:30 pm. We finished up outside while the wind blew, it was raining and COLD. Got to bed after midnight. Ok, this was like real hard work... can I go back to my old job? Retirement is hard work!

Retirement - day two:
A Saturday - spent the morning messing with lap top. Talked the other half to go to breakfast. We then worked together all afternoon in the garage clearing out the rafters of old junk because we need the room to stash stuff such as seasonal decorations.

Saturday evening we went to our neighbors for caroling - how much fun was that! We sang to neighbors, had lots of warm spiked beverages, sang to the workers at the corner Starbucks, and scored free hot chocolate drinks. This was quite a fun evening and I recommend caroling for everyone.

Retirement day 1:
Yesterday was my last day at work. Although I don't retire officially until 12/30/08, I don't have to go to the office anymore. Strange that I don't feel anything about this. Not sad, not happy, pretty much nothing. For 24+ years I have been a cop, and now I am a retired cop. What does that mean?

Yesterday I packed boxes of stuff that I will go through here at home and decide if it is "worth" keeping. And keeping for what, exactly, I don't know. I can think of something that I never did and had wished now I had... taken pictures of all my graveyard partners. Actually, I have little in the way of photos of co-workers and myself at work. It just wasn't done. With modern and digital tech I would bet newer members of my fraternity do take more photos and I will be happy for them.

I have built some great friendships that will last for the rest of our lives, and I am glad to be associated with this fine noble band of sisters (and a couple of brothers). We are the company we keep and I will keep quality people in my life always.

Today, Saturday - I got up like always, made coffee, fed the spoiled little kitties their soft food, read the comics from a newspaper I bought days ago (like I have little time to read the paper), listened to NPR weekend edition, and am now hanging around - all before 9 am. This has been my first day of the rest of my leisure career.

Greetings:
It is Friday morning - yesterday the staff at OHSU worked hard to balance Micki's blood pressure with heart rate. They reported to us that her fever broke, and she seems to hover around 100 degrees F. Her pressure in her head is holding steady, but even with that, the care internist (Dr. Fields) is certain Micki has had small vasospasms in the left side of her brain. Today we expect them to perform a cerebral angiogram to check vessels , inject medications to open the vessels, or even use what I'll call angioplasty (a balloon) to open vessels. (I don't know if they call it angioplasty in your head, too, as they do for the heart).

Goes without saying, Micki is intubated (breathing tube) and when we left last night the staff were testing her arterial blood gases to determine the amount of oxygen getting to her. She initiates her own breathing (CPAP) but they were considering having the ventilator rule the breathing rate.

Micki is heavily sedated. On Wednesday, she didn't wake during our visit, nor even move her hands to try to yank out tubes. On Thursday, she had lots of, what the nurses call, purposeful movement - meaning mostly, she becomes conscious enough that she tries to yank tubes out. Can you imagine having a tube breathing for you, shoved down your throat, you'd feel like choking - which does make her cough - and on top of that, a hose running through your nose as well (which feeds her)? Ok, too much of a picture but I am distressed by her distress. Anyway, Micki was much more wakeful Thursday and for a time even knew Steven and I were in the room and she could nod when asked yes/no questions. The staff has to balance this wakefulness, which disturbs or agitates Micki, with keeping her peaceful yet breathing adequately.

This is the most critical time for "spasm watch" for Micki. Each day she doesn't have serious spasms means the likely hood of them happening diminishes - that is great because on Monday Stacy reported how "with it" Micki is and OHSU staff, as well as we, are confident she will get out of this mentally intact. Even though the magic 7th day is passing with no major complication, she is still in the woods - infections always a worry, pneumonia always a worry with ventilators, and spasms still a possibility.

Day after visiting Micki at the hospital. She is awake alot, in pain, has a gnarly scar, thirsty. Her voice is getting better; once she can talk she can eat. She hasn't in 4 days. She is scared but her multi tasking and memory is amazing, she should be ok if she gets past the "spasm watch" ok... It is so long, though, 2 weeks or more. She is doing so well now that she will likely be relatively fine. For now, we encourage her by her progress and tell her not to worry about the bills at home.

Long time no blog.
December 8, 2008. This past Friday my sister Micki had a small aneurysm leak in her head, causing a sub arachnoid hemorrage. Immediate hospitalization and thank god that her daughter was at home because, otherwise, Micki would not have made it. 50% of people with this problem die because they don't make it to the hospital. Half of the ones who make it to the hospital also die, so she is living in the top 25%. I can't even wrap my mind around how brain damaged most of the left over 25% are. Her prospects so far look good because she was so responsive after surgery Saturday. The bleed was stopped, but she is in so much danger of a major stroke because of the trauma of the initial bleed.

So I was a chicken or something... I don't know what... I didn't want to leave home until later this week to see Micki. My friend, a nurse, told me I have to go now because she is in danger. What was I thinking? So today I am on my way to Portland and staying for 5 days. I'll have to come to terms with myself over why in the world I didn't jump on a plane straight away. I know if it had been Stacy, I woulda been there as fast as I could get there (like Friday night). I care about Micki a great deal. Maybe it is not wanting this episode to be so bad as it is.

V

View from my windshield, probably in Ripon

I began my newest step in my career by taking a promotion to Bakersfield. Still living in 280 mies away is a challenge for me and my family. I found on my way to and from Bakersfield that there is farm land, orchards, some livestock, water towers everywhere, and big open sky. From having lived in San Francisco, with it's big city skyline, to driving through the countryside, I like to expanse the of the far horizons. Everything seems slower, that life is slower. I need that.

http://app.sightspeed.com/vm/hnc5vnr41b84ckkn5kd4t9zhg99aq4ae/14z8/en_US/196/

Cranky and conferences.

SFGate: Daily Dish
Read the Mel Gibson story.
What's the matter, Mel, someone else exercises free speech and it violates your rights? You were criticized as anti-Semetic for the movie The Passion that you made, and it amounts to violating your rights? Is that really what you said? And you expect an apology? From who, now would that be. People who had the right to think and say what they thought against you and your film? Oh, that is because it hurt your feelings.
You can't really expect that no one would have not liked it, or thought you were too tough on the Jews. GROW UP, Dude!

It is awful that I feel such sorrow when watching a senseless movie. That the profound loss portrayed in this movie moved me makes me feel foolish.

I realize I am keeping many things inside me, and I am saddened when I think that I do not love. I remember feeling deep love and, at its loss, a pain that was unbearable. It is something that I have not found in a very long time, something I have not felt in a long time. I am afraid I will not feel it ever again. Not the joy and not the pain. That makes me so sad. I am empty, by design, and I look for fulfillment. I travel, I appreciate fine art. I love to share my experiences, but I only seek to fill that hole.

Business Trip:
Start Sept. 24, a Sunday. Because of the new restrictions on liquids on planes, I was at SMF at 2pm. My flight was at 3:55pm. Nothing unusual, no strangers. After renting the car at ONT, I got lost, again. Seems like I cannot get out of that airport without getting lost. I finally got to the hotel, had to wait while the US forest service fire guys checked in. They had been in the area fighting a local fire, probably the Pinnacles blaze http://www.latimes.com/news/local/state/la-me-iebriefs21.2sep21,1,5423594.story?coll=la-news-state&ctrack=1&cset=true

I don't mind waiting for them, they are heros who need their rest.

I went to dinner at Black Angus. I eat alone once in a while and I don't mind. Company is better, but on business, it is sometimes a necessity. Lots of couples, mostly older. One guy in particular looked funny in his short sleeve plaid cotton shirt, he was at least my age (50s) and he had an earing in his left ear, looked pirate-like. It just didn't fit, that is how I noticed it. There was a dad and daughter couple, reminded me of Naomi and her dad, only the daughter was all cute-girl dressed (a 'baby-doll' top, they look stupid, by the way) and dad was a tanned farmer. He had on clothes you know he wears every day, a style that suits his working man's life. Worn jeans, boots, a long sleeve shirt, papers and a pen in his shirt pocket, and a measuring tape in a worn leather holder on the belt. Oh, and a ball cap with a farm equipment name and that awful mesh material. It was red.

Life is the same all over, from San Bernardino to Sacramento. It is good to know that.

Things got ugly a few months after our dad died.

All of my siblings, except the baby of the family, were at the old house and we talked about who would be in charge of taking care of the ‘estate.’ We all agreed it would be me, I was local, I was the one everyone said they could trust, I’m the one with the stable job. I think they thought they could trust me because I had the most to lose if I cheated. The loss of my public safety job would be too big for me to cheat my siblings. I would not have cheated them anyway.

We had to find an attorney and chose the one who handled my dad’s portion of the divorce. We had to pick someone and we thought he might know some of my dad’s assets. Dad had records, but they weren’t extensive and trying to find everything isn’t easy. He had some life insurance, a beat up old truck and a car in terrible shape. Some stocks and investments in some kind of real estate holding companies (which were nearly worthless). He had the house. We thought he was the sole owner; on paper he was, but my brother made a claim that he had loaned dad money to buy out mom and Daniel claimed never to have been paid back. There was an agreement to sell him half the house.

Being the administrator of an estate, there was no will, I had a fudiciary repsonsibiliyty to guarantee such a claim had the proper backing. I had talked to Daniel about it, and suggested that perhaps the easiest way to settle this was to figure out how much each of the remaining of us kids would pony up to settle that score. I cannot remember how it -became a no-go; one or more felt like it wasn’t right or did not want to give Daniel money. No one knew of this agreement between dad and Daniel prior to this time.

It got ugly. Daniel claimed my sister Micki stole all the records from dad’s files, a claim she denies. She did take all the files because we needed to go through them, and I gave them to the attorney. No record of this promise to sell real estate was ever located. Daniel came up with a copy; it looked like a copy of a copy. He said the orginal was stolen. Micki said there never was such a document in the files, I went through them, the attorney went through them, I don’t believe the attorney had a reason to lie, Micki wouldn’t and neither would, or did, I.

Daniel convinced one of my sisters, Shannon, and my mother, who was at the time the legal guardian to my minor brother, to join him in a tort action to remove me as the administrator of the estate, have himself made the administrator, and obtain half of the house pursuant to the documents he had, the agreement to sell him half of the house. I did not just accept the document, on advice of the estate attorney and the advice of my other two sisters.

The bitterness results from the affidavits Daniel, my sister Shannon, and my mother swore to: that they had knowledge and could prove that I was cheating the estate and using funds from the estate for my personal gain.

How dare my mom claim that she wasn’t allowed to grieve for our father, whom she was divorced from, when he died in 1988. Its 2006, what 18 years have gone by and she carries resentment for … wait until you get this … me! Yes, she blames me! How do you figure? Here is the crooked logic; I was cold to her at my dad’s funeral. Let’s see, I had stopped being clingy to my mom years before, as I grew up and as a teenager just could not take care of being the mom of the family. She had checked out of being responsible and I took over when I was young, hey, someone had to do it and I didn’t know it wasn’t my job.

It was hard to hear her talk about the abusive man my dad was to her. Yes, I did witness family violence, or shall I say, the aftermath. Dad rarely got into it with her in front of us kids. He also never spoke badly about her, even when I lived with him. I didn’t ask, but he didn’t volunteer… not like our mom, boy did she blurt out whatever she felt had on her mind. She was abusive verbally to us kids, very much so. I understand she was frustrated. I can accept that, but it did not help my feelings about myself and my abiding insecurities.

Oh, back to the cold at the funeral thing. I remember thinking I did not want to comfort my mom. I guess because I never have understood how she could speak in such a hateful way about dad over many years – as if I was a confidant, or therapist who should hear these things. To think she was feeling grief for herself was foreign to me and I if I wanted comfort, I certainly did not expect to gain it from her. Instead, I remember thinking this and still do, I would find no comforting but instead would have to give it, as I have given so much all of my life with mom.

I once got hurt at work, had to go to the hospital after a high speed, high impact traffic collision in which I was rear-ended. The one thing I did not want was mom to know about it. I did not want her taking a trip to my house and ‘take care of me’ because I believe it would be me taking care of her. I was in barely in condition to take care of myself, let alone anyone else, emotionally or any other way.

So how does she figure I didn’t let her grieve when our dad died? She gives too much power over herself to others. That is the operative issue here, she gives power away in order to be powerless, thereby blaming others for … everything that goes wrong.

The Buzz: CHP pilot's mission: Fly chief to fundraiser - The Sacramento Bee

Pretty embarrasing, huh? It doesn't sound as bad as the rumors that were humming along on Friday, May 12th - those focused on how the commissioner missed work because his back (an old injury) was bugging him, yet he went to this screening of M.I.III, yet was too injured to attend the memorial at the CHP Academy for the 7 officers who lost their lives this past year in the line of duty. Now, if that were true, it is just plain disrespectful.

Sherrill is the funniest person I know. I wish I had time to read her picks and critiques on all things football.
You go girl, I mean "Handi."

Falwell fighting for holy holiday / He'll sue, boycott groups he sees as muzzling Christmas

C'mon already! The first guy who would scream that he can't worship on Easter in a Muslim country, even an ally of the US (Saudi Arabia bans any service that isn't Muslim) is pushing this. He is looking for a total Christian state. Further in the article, Abe Foxman pulls the curtain back from Falwell's hype - CHRISTMAS ISN'T UNDER ATTACK people.

This is the same as the religious fanatics in the US saying marriage needs defending. Acts to ban all marriage rights for same sex couples are titled "Defense of Marriage," giving the false impression that marriage is under attack.

The saddest thing about all this is, there are too many people out there gullible enough to believe the hype; to believe that the Christian faith is under attack, that marriage needs defending, as if married persons rights will be diminished if other people want the same rights - note, not extra rights, just the same ones, and NO, domestic partner benefits do not give the same protections.
As Napoleon Dynamite might say "frickin' idiots."