Blast from a PAST Blog:

Reading a book by Jacob Neddleman - The American Soul. Think on this:
"Laws and statutes, no matter how carefully written, can never take the place of individual ethical choice or action."

How does this relate to me and my job?

I supervise people who occassionally will point to policy and ask 'show me where it says I have to do (whatever).' The above exerpt explains it all. I cannot, nor can our employers, or on a bigger scale, our society/government, make laws to cover everything. We have to do what we know is best, what we know is right.

New job started, house sold in SF, waiting for purchase to be final in the "new" house, and all my stuff is in storage. It was hard to see my old home empty... it is final, and sinking in that the house isn't "mine" anymore. It doesn't belong to me. That deepens the feeling of not belonging, a sadness, an aloneness that I feel I fight all the time. On my way to work this morning I thought I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could turn back the time; stay in SF, stay at my old position.

It isn't that I was happy at that old job, at that old house. But I belonged. It isn't exciting to be in a new city trying to find where I fit. But I have to admit I didn't fit in SF, either. Not really. Perhaps I like feeling like I don't fit. Without fitting, I don't have to feel for anything, or anyone. I would say that I hate being lonely, yet I often find I am most comfortable when I am alone. What a sad, sad life I have made for myself. I haven't found joy in anything for a long time. I don't want to commit to anything or anyone because that might mean I will have to feel something, and that makes me uncomfortable. I know that if I don't feel, than I can't let anyone feel for me and that way I don't have to feel for them. Yeah, I got a serious problem because I cannot relax.