It is awful that I feel such sorrow when watching a senseless movie. That the profound loss portrayed in this movie moved me makes me feel foolish.
I realize I am keeping many things inside me, and I am saddened when I think that I do not love. I remember feeling deep love and, at its loss, a pain that was unbearable. It is something that I have not found in a very long time, something I have not felt in a long time. I am afraid I will not feel it ever again. Not the joy and not the pain. That makes me so sad. I am empty, by design, and I look for fulfillment. I travel, I appreciate fine art. I love to share my experiences, but I only seek to fill that hole.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Business Trip:
Start Sept. 24, a Sunday. Because of the new restrictions on liquids on planes, I was at SMF at 2pm. My flight was at 3:55pm. Nothing unusual, no strangers. After renting the car at ONT, I got lost, again. Seems like I cannot get out of that airport without getting lost. I finally got to the hotel, had to wait while the US forest service fire guys checked in. They had been in the area fighting a local fire, probably the Pinnacles blaze http://www.latimes.com/news/local/state/la-me-iebriefs21.2sep21,1,5423594.story?coll=la-news-state&ctrack=1&cset=true
I don't mind waiting for them, they are heros who need their rest.
I went to dinner at Black Angus. I eat alone once in a while and I don't mind. Company is better, but on business, it is sometimes a necessity. Lots of couples, mostly older. One guy in particular looked funny in his short sleeve plaid cotton shirt, he was at least my age (50s) and he had an earing in his left ear, looked pirate-like. It just didn't fit, that is how I noticed it. There was a dad and daughter couple, reminded me of Naomi and her dad, only the daughter was all cute-girl dressed (a 'baby-doll' top, they look stupid, by the way) and dad was a tanned farmer. He had on clothes you know he wears every day, a style that suits his working man's life. Worn jeans, boots, a long sleeve shirt, papers and a pen in his shirt pocket, and a measuring tape in a worn leather holder on the belt. Oh, and a ball cap with a farm equipment name and that awful mesh material. It was red.
Life is the same all over, from San Bernardino to Sacramento. It is good to know that.
Start Sept. 24, a Sunday. Because of the new restrictions on liquids on planes, I was at SMF at 2pm. My flight was at 3:55pm. Nothing unusual, no strangers. After renting the car at ONT, I got lost, again. Seems like I cannot get out of that airport without getting lost. I finally got to the hotel, had to wait while the US forest service fire guys checked in. They had been in the area fighting a local fire, probably the Pinnacles blaze http://www.latimes.com/news/local/state/la-me-iebriefs21.2sep21,1,5423594.story?coll=la-news-state&ctrack=1&cset=true
I don't mind waiting for them, they are heros who need their rest.
I went to dinner at Black Angus. I eat alone once in a while and I don't mind. Company is better, but on business, it is sometimes a necessity. Lots of couples, mostly older. One guy in particular looked funny in his short sleeve plaid cotton shirt, he was at least my age (50s) and he had an earing in his left ear, looked pirate-like. It just didn't fit, that is how I noticed it. There was a dad and daughter couple, reminded me of Naomi and her dad, only the daughter was all cute-girl dressed (a 'baby-doll' top, they look stupid, by the way) and dad was a tanned farmer. He had on clothes you know he wears every day, a style that suits his working man's life. Worn jeans, boots, a long sleeve shirt, papers and a pen in his shirt pocket, and a measuring tape in a worn leather holder on the belt. Oh, and a ball cap with a farm equipment name and that awful mesh material. It was red.
Life is the same all over, from San Bernardino to Sacramento. It is good to know that.
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